Say you’re a novice advertiser. Say you’re sort of slow and you think Dravid is still God’s gift to Indian Cricket (Ok, so you’re not Riggy, but moving on). Say you spend most of your annual branding budget on signing on Captain Lumberjack as your Ambassador (by the way, someone asked me if Hindustan Motors still makes the white ones, do they?) and then spend most of your staff’s energies finding the most imbecelic advertising Guru. Say he tells you that he stayed up all night thinking on your behalf and he’s absolutely inspired. Say you meet him over drinks (and you pay for the malts). Once happily drunk, he paints a compelling vision for you.

Camera zooms in on the clear glass counters at your plush jewellery store. A perfectly pleasant middle-aged actor from Bandra who’s dressed up as your perfectly loyal patron from Numbambakkam is having a positively painful time trying to decide between the the Ruby Earrings set in 22 K Gold and the Diamond Nosering the size of South Africa.

In walks Captain Lumberjack in his blues(of course, because the Captain wears his colors Everywhere), looking thoroughly confused and helpless(um, because he’s Mr Consistent, even off the field and we’re capturing personality here), yet perfectly clued in on connosieur jewellery. Mrs Rajasekaran has the earrings on, and the nosering in her hand. She happens to glance at a mirror and catches a glimspe of Rahul Baba’s shy approval.

She giggles. He groans, but not audibly, not to worry. Then she walks out with both masterpieces. And the Captain grins at the closed-in Camera and out comes the punch line (mumbled,obviously, but poignant) - “Gold, almost as good as Greg.”